Meghan Markle and Prince Harry lost their second child shortly after he was conceived. The Duchess of Sussex wrote about this painful chapter of their lives in an essay published in the New York Times. Meghan Markle’s miscarriage happened in July 2020, while the couple was in the middle of moving to the United States.

It was the first morning that they woke up in their new California home.

She recounted that morning she picked up her son, little Archie, from his crib, changed his diaper, and felt a sharp cramp. “I dropped to the floor with him in my arms, humming a lullaby to keep us both calm, the cheerful tune a stark contrast to my sense that something was not right,” she wrote.

Meghan Markle hugs a kid in S. Africa

“I knew, as I clutched my firstborn child, that I was losing my second,” Meghan continued. “Hours later, I lay in a hospital bed, holding my husband’s hand. I felt the clamminess of his palm and kissed his knuckles, wet from both our tears. Staring at the cold white walls, my eyes glazed over. I tried to imagine how we’d heal.”

“Sitting in a hospital bed, watching my husband’s heart break as he tried to hold the shattered pieces of mine, I realized that the only way to begin to heal is to first ask, “Are you OK?” she added in her essay titled “The Losses We Share.”

What happened?

The reasons for miscarriage cannot always be determined but they are quite common. Infact, 15-20% of all pregnancies end in miscarriage, according to the National Infertility Association.

Acknowledging the difficulty of these times when people have been forced to be more isolated than ever, Meghan stressed on the importance of asking other people, if they are OK?

Are you OK?

She recalled a moment from her and Harry’s tour of South Africa in October 2019. “I was exhausted. I was breastfeeding our infant son, and I was trying to keep a brave face in the very public eye,” she wrote.

“‘Are you OK?’ a journalist asked me. I answered him honestly, not knowing that what I said would resonate with so many — new moms and older ones, and anyone who had, in their own way, been silently suffering. My off-the-cuff reply seemed to give people permission to speak their truth. But it wasn’t responding honestly that helped me most, it was the question itself.”

“Thank you for asking,” she said. “Not many people have asked if I’m OK.”

Meghan Harry and their son Archie

The reason for Meghan Markle’s miscarriage

Meghan and Harry did not immediately disclose the miscarriage news to the world but told close family members and had their support.

They thought this is the best time to share this with the public as the wound was still “raw” while they slowly recover from the trauma, a source close to the couple told Vanity Fair. “There’s a tone of hopefulness and optimism at the end of the article which I think shows where they are today. They are doing well.”

Miscarriages are common and the Duchess wanted to draw attention to this pain that many women go through, in silence.

Meghan Markle was almost 39 years old when she suffered the miscarriage and it was possibly due to her age.

Dr. Leong, one of leading IVF experts in Malaysia, says that almost 40-50% of miscarriages are attributed to chromosomal abnormalities in the embryo and they increase with a woman’s growing age.

Was stress responsible for Meghan Markle’s miscarriage?

Prince Harry, in their Netflix series, said that it is possible that the stress caused by the tabloids was responsible for Meghan’s miscarriage.

“Now, do we absolutely know that the miscarriage was caused by that—’course we don’t… but bearing in mind the stress that caused, the lack of sleep, and the timing of the pregnancy—how many weeks in she was—I can say from what I saw, that miscarriage was created by what they were trying to do to her.”

Opening discussions about miscarriage

“Losing a child means carrying an almost unbearable grief, experienced by many but talked about by few,” she further wrote. “In the pain of our loss, my husband and I discovered that in a room of 100 women, 10 to 20 of them will have suffered from miscarriage. Yet despite the staggering commonality of this pain, the conversation remains taboo, riddled with (unwarranted) shame, and perpetuating a cycle of solitary mourning.”

Meghan goes on to acknowledge other women who have opened discussions about miscarriage, as she writes, “Some have bravely shared their stories; they have opened the door, knowing that when one person speaks truth, it gives license for all of us to do the same.

“We have learned that when people ask how any of us are doing, and when they really listen to the answer, with an open heart and mind, the load of grief often becomes lighter—for all of us. In being invited to share our pain, together we take the first steps toward healing.”

The support of Prince Harry

Harry was reportedly fully supportive of Meghan writing the article and she chose the New York Times as she thought it was “a good fit.”

“In being invited to share our pain, together we take the first steps toward healing,” she writes in conclusion. “We are adjusting to a new normal where faces are concealed by masks, but it’s forcing us to look into one another’s eyes—sometimes filled with warmth, other times with tears. For the first time, in a long time, as human beings, we are really seeing one another.”

“Are we OK? We will be.”

There was no comment from the Buckingham Palace as they respected that this was a deeply personal matter for Harry and Meghan.

The Duke Duchess of Sussex at the Festival of Remembrance

Other Royal miscarriages

Meghan Markle’s miscarriage is not the first in the Royal family. Sophie, the Countess of Wessex and Princess Anne’s daughter Zara Tindall both have suffered miscarriages as well.

Zara Tindall, who is married to the former rugby captain of England, Mike Tindall, suffered two miscarriages after their first baby.

Back in 2018, the couple had already announced their pregnancy when the miscarriage happened. Zara then received letters from many women, saying, “‘we’ve been through the same thing,’, which was incredible, it just showed how often it does happen.” Later, she was able to conceive successfully and gave birth to her second daughter.

Zara said that miscarriages are also difficult for men, who feel helpless in such situations. “It’s hard for those guys, too,” she said, “It was a horrible road.”

Sophie, the Countess of Wessex, and the wife of Prince Edward, also suffered a miscarriage when she had an ectopic pregnancy and collapsed at home in 2001. She had to be admitted to the hospital for a life-saving surgery.

Prince Edward had said back then that losing a baby like that “was about the most painful thing anyone can undergo.”

Fortunately, they went on two have two children—a son and a daughter—later.

Healing from the pain of miscarriage

Meghan Markle’s miscarriage was kept private “for months because it was very painful and not anything that they knew if they would ever want to share,” a source told People magazine. “They both seemed shocked at how painful it was. Meghan was ready to share now because so many women go through the same thing in silence.”

Harry later revealed that he and Meghan wept, feeling “totally hopeless” as they left the hospital with their miscarried baby, “a tiny package.”

“We went to a place, a secret place only we knew,” Harry said. “Under a spreading banyan tree, while Meg wept, I dug a hole with my hands and set the tiny package softly in the ground.”

Conceiving after miscarriage

Meghan and Harry’s son, Archie Harrison, was born in May of 2019, and the next year, they had the miscarriage.

Luckily, they were able to conceive again. The couple welcomed another baby—a daughter—on June 4, 2021, in Santa Barbara, California.

They named her Lilibet Diana Mountbatten Windsor, and fondly call her “Lili”.

Meghan and Harry announced their daughter’s birth on the Archewell Foundation website, saying that they named her after Queen Elizabeth’s family nickname and her middle name “was chosen to honor her beloved late grandmother, the Princess of Wales.”

Archie is now 5 and Lilibet just turned 3 years old. Meghan says she has “very chatty, sweet children.”

Since stepping back as working royals, Meghan and Harry have made several investments. Meghan also launched a new lifestyle brand, American Riviera Orchard.

Meghan Markle’s miscarriage must have been extremely painful but luckily, they were able to get pregnant again.
References

The Losses we share: https://www.nytimes.com/2020/11/25/opinion/meghan-markle-miscarriage.html

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